


There Was A Party That She Had to Miss

by cobblestaubrey



Series: figure my heart out [6]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: College, F/F, Lemon's boyfriend is Priyanka but boyanka bc I feel like having everyone be gay is too much, Light Angst, cis lesbian au, even for me LOL, when your otp fights u_u
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:26:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25925854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cobblestaubrey/pseuds/cobblestaubrey
Summary: Things were, surprisingly, going way better than Jackie had expected. Classes had started roughly two months ago, taking up a huge space in Jackie’s life and in her mind. She was doing more than passing them, of course, certain that she was making the Dean’s List.Things were never that simple, though.
Relationships: Jackie Cox/Jan Sport
Series: figure my heart out [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1792651
Comments: 10
Kudos: 22





	There Was A Party That She Had to Miss

**Author's Note:**

> This title is sort of on the nose, but not really. I don't know. It makes sense at the end. 
> 
> I wrote this story in a very weird way, where I wrote most of the dialogue first and then created the descriptions around it. It might've come out weird this way, but it was the easiest way for me to know what was happening. I love dialogue :) 
> 
> I'm proud of this, I think. For once LOL Or maybe it sucked, idk
> 
> I didn't edit it as much as usual, so any mistakes are mine, yeah.

Things were, surprisingly, going way better than Jackie had expected. Classes had started roughly two months ago, taking up a huge space in Jackie’s life and in her mind. She was doing more than passing them, of course, certain that she was making the Dean’s List. 

She wasn’t quite used to things like homework assignments not being graded, attendance being worth such a high percent of her grade (which didn’t bother her, she would never skip a class at such an important stage in her life), and having such little grades make up her final mark, but after those two months, she settled into college with relative ease. 

Only two weeks ago, she had gone out with Jan and Lemon (she had finally managed to get used to her nickname, with a little push from Jan), and Lemon’s boyfriend, and actually had _fun_ at a real college party. 

Sure, Jackie almost had a panic attack when she saw how many shots Jan was doing, but she used some of the techniques she learned from her therapist to calm herself down. Jan had noticed, but was too intoxicated to say anything, so the blonde just leaned into Jackie and introduced her to anyone she knew as her “hot science girlfriend”. Jackie would roll her eyes at Jan’s antics, but her red cheeks were not hot with embarrassment. Instead, she felt warm, and in love.

Every now and then, Jan would leave her alone to talk to a classmate or follow some drunk theatre nerd to see ‘something really cool, Jan, you gotta believe me’, but Jan always came back. 

It made Jackie feel special, like she was Jan’s _favorite_. Which was good, because Jan was her favorite, too.

So, yeah, Jackie was genuinely doing really well, although she was sad she hadn’t seen Jan since that party. They had plans for last weekend and this weekend, but both fell through because of commitments Jackie couldn’t turn down. 

Sure, she’d rather be with Jan on a Saturday afternoon, but she had to finish up a lab report with Brooke Lynn, another freshman in her General Chemistry course. They had been in the library for over an hour, and Jackie was getting antsy. Not because it wasn’t going well, but because her phone was burning a hole in her pocket.

She had texted Jan as soon as she knew there would be a scheduling issue, and assumed that was that.

It wasn’t that simple.

Jackie looked down once more at her phone (when she should’ve been working on the ‘methods’ section of her report), rereading the last texts she had exchanged with her girlfriend. 

_Jackie  
_ _[3:22 PM]  
_ _Hey, I just got out of class. My lab partner said she could only work on our lab report Saturday :(_

_Jan  
_ _[3:31 PM]  
_ _we have plans tho ?_

_Jackie  
_ _[3:33 PM]  
_ _I know, I tried to get out of it, but this is almost thirty percent of my grade._

_Jan  
_ _[3:38 PM]  
_ _Okay_

_Jackie  
_ _[3:39 PM]  
_ _I’m sorry baby :(_

_Jackie  
_ _[10:48 PM]  
_ _Goodnight, love <3 _

Jackie’s eyebrows furrowed once more. That had been two days ago, and Jan still hadn’t texted her back. The brunette had wanted to send another text, but she was busy, and assumed Jan was as well. However, she was beginning to worry, when, _again_ , she _should’ve_ been working on her lap report. 

“Hey, Jackie, you good?” Jackie finally looked up from her phone to meet Brooke’s eyes. The blonde was sitting across from her, lifting her head above her pristine laptop to raise an eyebrow at Jackie.

Jackie nodded, swallowing her anxiety. She opened her mouth, before swiftly closing it and just nodding again. She wasn’t sure how much she could say, or if Brooke would even care. “Yeah- yes, I’m fine.”

Brooke let out a chuckle, shaking her head. “You’ve been staring at your phone for ten minutes. I only noticed because you haven’t written a single word since.”

“I’m sorry,” Jackie immediately responded, biting her lip. “I’m having a problem that I don’t think I can solve right now, and it sucks.”

Brooke nodded, and Jackie relaxed. Maybe Brooke got it. “Can I see your phone?” Jackie quirked an eyebrow, but the blonde sent her a reassuring smile, so Jackie reluctantly handed it over.

Then, Brooke shoved the phone in her backpack and went back to work.

Jackie stared, but Brooke continued working, her fingers flying around her keyboard. Jackie could see out of the corner of her eye the work being put into the document on her own computer, but still was unsure what just happened.

“Your phone was distracting you. Now, you have no phone. Problem solved.” Brooke finally spoke, never taking her eyes away from her computer. 

Jackie definitely overestimated the amount of emotional competency Brooke had. 

The brunette shrugged. Brooke was right. She was now able to put her thoughts aside to continue working on her project, even if her fingers itched to do _something_. 

Still, every now and then, her eyes would wander from her screen and trace across a bookshelf, just to give her something to do as her mind ran rampant. She thought of the smile that Jan had given her at that party two weeks ago, and the lightness that had washed over her. 

Their shared kisses, keeping quiet as to not alert Jan’s RA. Lemon had gone back to her boyfriend’s dorm, wherever that was, Jackie couldn’t care less, as Jan left lipstick marks up her neck. 

She thought of the hug that Jan had pulled her into before Jackie had left to go back to her own apartment, the sound of Jan’s last “I love you” ringing in her ear. 

Brooke was having none of this, of course, so Jackie reeled in her thoughts once more to finish her section. 

When she did, she abruptly closed her laptop, reaching her hand out for Brooke to give her back her phone. 

Ordering an _Uber_ didn’t sound like such a bad idea, at that moment.

It might’ve been, though. 

* * *

“Are you sure you don’t wanna come?” Lemon asked, her body halfway out of their dorm’s door. 

Jan shook her head again, her eyes feeling heavier than they had been the entire year. She stared at her phone, scrolling through whatever app she had rotated to in the last two hours, waiting for Lemon to leave. When the shorter girl had finally closed the door, Jan sighed, throwing herself onto her back. 

Only five minutes later, she heard a knock, and reluctantly pulled herself from her mattress. She felt the weight of gravity as she took each step, cursing Lemon for probably forgetting her key. 

Except, she opened the door to Jackie, who had a sheepish smile and a heavy looking backpack on. 

Jan sort of wanted to close the door, but couldn’t. Her anger had simmered into something heavier, something that hurt her heart to think about, yet Jackie’s smile was such a weak point, she had to let her in. 

“I caught Lemon downstairs, she signed me in. I was gonna ask you, but, you didn’t text me, and… I don’t know.” Jackie explained, sitting down on Jan’s bed. She squirmed a bit, patting the sides of the bed. Jan walked over to Lemon’s, so she could be parallel to her girlfriend, knitting her hands together in her lap. 

“I thought you said you couldn’t come,” was all Jan felt she could say, unable to meet Jackie’s eye. She studied the tiled floor, drawing her eyes over each dot. She could feel her chest move up and down with each breath, and it was the only thing calming her in the moment. 

“I finished up early.” Jackie said, waiting for Jan’s response. When nothing came, the brunette started up again. “I wanted to be here with you, Jan, but this was the only day Brooke could work, and-”

“I just don’t understand why you didn’t say you had plans, too.” Jan finally looked up, and she saw the pain flash across Jackie’s face, most likely from the blonde’s own expression. She could feel her eyebrows knit together, her eyes squinting and mouth contorting into a scowl. “Why did your plans with me come second place to her plans?” 

Jackie’s eyes flickered as she subtly shook her head, opening and closing her mouth several times. Jan could tell she was thinking, because Jackie had probably not even _thought_ about why this was the case, and that only rekindled the ugly feelings that had dimmed earlier. 

“I couldn’t risk it,” Jackie sounded like she was pleading, but Jan wasn’t willing to listen.

“You cancelled plans on me, _twice_.”

“For the first time.”

Jan paused, looking down at her clasped hands. “What if that’s the first of many?” She heard Jackie scoff in response. Jackie had never been mad at her - only confused or sad, but when Jan looked up, she saw something flash across Jackie’s face she had never seen before. 

“This isn’t fair, Jan. Every Friday I work so hard to finish my homework so I can see you Saturday, distraction free,” Jackie started, pointing at Jan with every other word. “Every Friday I work my ass off so you can have me, all of me. I go to your parties, I help you read through lines, I watch your dance routines, and I’ve also got a lot of work on my own plate, too! Biochemistry is a lot harder than, than-”

“Than whatever I’m doing?” Jan interrupted, crossing her arms. She raised an eyebrow at Jackie, daring her silently to finish her sentence.

Jackie shook her head, putting it in her hands. “No, no, I’m sorry.” She pulled her head up, her eyes apologetic, barely lit by Jan’s desk lamp. “I saw you work your ass off for four years to get here, Jan, and I see you working your ass off here, too. I didn’t mean to belittle this, I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine.” Jan looked away, sniffing. To hear Jackie almost say her work meant less, that hurt. It felt like everything Jackie was saying hurt, in some way. 

“I’m not gonna let this be turned on me, though.” Jan turned her head back, not expecting Jackie to continue talking. “You’re making it sound like I’m a negligent girlfriend, when I do so much for you, to be with you.” 

Jan furrowed her brows. “I do, too. Don’t act like this isn’t equal.” 

Jackie’s frown turned into some sort of smirk, in sort of a condescending sneer. “When was the last time you helped me go through my flashcards?” 

The blonde was even more confused. “You don’t bring them.” 

“Exactly, Jan. Because I don’t want to bother you with it!”

It was now Jan’s turn to scoff. Jackie had to know how rude she was being, right? “So now I’m _bothering_ you?”

“No!” Jackie’s eyes went wide, and Jan was now even more confused. How could Jackie deal such hard blows without even knowing it? “But, sometimes I just want it to be us. I’m sorry I cancelled the last two weeks, but the week before that I went to a party for you, which I’m not incredibly partial to, and the week before that Lemon was here, and you talked about your Dance I teacher for like, two hours, and the week before that you came to my place, and you brought a binder full of your work.” 

Jan knew Jackie loved lists, but every list she made only made Jan feel worse.

“You never said anything, Jackie. I get it, I feel bad, I’m sorry I wasted your time, but you didn’t _tell me_!” 

Jackie huffed, shutting her eyes tightly and tilting her head up towards the ceiling. Her hands were clenched in fists in front of her, before she opened them to let them fall in front of her. “Because I assumed that if the roles were reversed, you get it. And, and you don’t _waste_ my time-” 

“I _do_ get it, Jackie.”

Jackie’s head snapped down towards Jan’s. “Do you? Because the moment I put school work, school work that decides whether I pass or fail, in front of us, you freak out and ignore me for two days.”

“I wasn’t _ignoring_ you! I was upset and I didn’t want to take it out on you.”

“You didn’t even send me a good morning text, Jan. And you always do. You can’t do things like this, give me the silent treatment as some sort of, of punishment!” Jackie threw her hands up, gesturing towards Jan.

Jan only cocked her head to the side, feeling the anger bubble up again, thick in her throat. “Punishment? You think I was _punishing_ you?”

“I know you think were protecting me, Jan, but you shouldn’t feel so hurt without even understanding my side of the story, to the point where you’re afraid of hurting me.” Jackie’s voice cracked at the end, and Jan’s resolve broke slightly, as her heart did.

“I’m not trying to excuse what I did. I’m sorry. I won’t do something like that again, Jackie, I promise.” She leaned down, trying to catch Jackie’s eye. “I promise.” 

The brunette shook her head. “You said you’d fight for us,” she said softly, her lips quivering. Jan yearned to reach out and smooth the brunette’s hair, to cup her cheek, to do anything. “But you’re fighting me, too. This won’t work if you fight me, too.” 

Jan’s eyes had been filled with tears for a while, but they finally started falling. “I love you so much,” she sobbed, wrapping her arms around herself. Jackie felt miles away, farther than a bed apart, farther than ‘only a few’, farther than she had ever felt from the brunette. “It’s so hard to balance all this new stuff and you, but I want you, Jackie. I felt like you were pulling away, so I thought I had to pull away, too.”

“No matter what comes and goes, you are my favorite thing. There is no one I’d rather be around.” Jackie whispered to Jan. The blonde’s eyes were shut now, but she could hear the sound of Jackie moving off the mattress. When she felt Jackie’s strong arms wrap around her, Jan’s breaths became less sporadic, and she could feel herself timing them to Jackie’s heart beats. “We’re in this together, Jan.”

Jan nodded into her chest, feeling like a child being comforted. Jackie’s sweater was beginning to stain with her tears, but she couldn’t help snuggling closer. “I’m sorry.”

Jackie continued to whisper reassurances in her ear, rocking Jan slightly back and forth.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been pulling my weight.”

“Don’t say that. I know I sounded annoyed, but I don't mind helping you run lines and all that. I love everything about you, including your ambition and drive.” Jackie kissed the crown of her head, smoothing the blonde’s hair down. “Don’t ever think you being you isn't enough."

Jan could feel her heart stitching itself back together, her numbness melting into a comfortable warmth. "You're my favorite person, too, Jacks, you know?"

Jackie laid the side of her head on top of Jan's. "Yeah?"

”Yeah.”

Jan could feel Jackie smile against her. "We’ve both made mistakes these last few months, that was a given. We knew this would be hard.”

“I’ve made it harder than it has to be.” Jan murmured, feeling Jackie's smile falter. Before Jackie could rebuttal, Jan reluctantly pulled away to stretch. Her neck and back began to ache, so she gestured to her own bed with her head. “Will you lay with me?”

“Of course,” Jackie looked at her, and Jan couldn’t tear herself away from those eyes. There was always so much behind them, always so much bleeding out into the world, right into Jan’s own eyes. 

Jackie got up, moving across the small room to stretch herself over Jan’s own mattress. She situated herself closer to the wall, leaving enough space for Jan to lay half on her. Jackie hooked her left arm around Jan’s waist, and bent her right one above her head, laying her head on her right hand. Jan’s head rested comfortably on Jackie’s upper chest, wrapping her own arms around Jackie’s waist. 

Jan could smell only hints of the perfume Jackie had put on this morning, but could definitely sense Jackie’s own personal aroma, reminding Jan of one of those things that would never really change, regardless of how much else did. It was the reason she had kept several of Jackie’s shirts in her closet, or made sure Jackie always used Jan’s favorite pillow when she slept over. 

Nothing was more comforting than Jackie, but lying on a pillow that smelled like her (despite how creepy she thought it probably was) came second. 

Jan felt exhausted, emotionally and physically. She struggled to keep her eyes open, losing the fight pretty quickly. Still, she knew she couldn’t go to sleep, not yet. Instead, she murmured “I love you” into Jackie’s collarbone. 

“I love you, too,” was Jackie’s immediate response, soft and delicate like it was one of the first times she had said it, and not the hundredth. 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Jan breathed out, turning her head up to look at her girlfriend. “But I was so afraid you were going to hurt me, I did anyway.” 

Jackie stroked the back of Jan’s head, lightly running her finger nails down Jan’s scalp. “I know, baby. I forgive you.” 

“Okay,” Jan nodded as much as she could, kissing Jackie’s skin below her. “Next week, I’m gonna do all my homework. Then, we’re going out.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know. I want to. Because I love you, and I want to be with you when I’m with you. Just you.”

“Okay, baby.” Jan knew Jackie was smiling from the sound of her voice, and the soft pats Jan received on her head. 

“We’re going all out,” Jan said seriously, causing Jackie to laugh softly, and Jan loved the way the brunette’s chest moved up and down, moving Jan’s own head along with it. “Seriously, it’s almost our seven month anniversary, Jackie. We’re already missing that because of Thanksgiving.”

“I don’t even celebrate Thanksgiving.” 

“Well, I do, Jackie! And my family is forcing me to feed you instead of _eating_ you -”

“Jan!” Jackie’s neck and face immediately reddened, causing Jan to laugh. She wasn’t the most dirty person she knew, but she loved to rile up Jackie. 

Jan grinned cheekily, lifting her head up to look directly at Jackie. “Sorry not sorry.” She tilted her head forward slightly, her way of silently asking for a kiss, and Jackie obliged, lifting herself up to meet Jan halfway.

When Jan pulled away to lie her head back down, all she cared about was the content smile Jackie had on her face. Things sucked right now, but they were going to get better, and Jan was going to do everything in her power to make sure they made it there.

She wasn’t losing Jackie, not yet. Not by her own volition, at least.

**Author's Note:**

> About two hours after posting I added a line to the story, so, yeah. 
> 
> Anyway, it was hard to write. It was so sad. I hate arguments. I’ve been in arguments like this, where you like, say stuff you don’t even mean or it comes across in a weird way, and you’re fighting someone for no reason but you know you’re right, but they’re kind of right too, but not in the right way, and blegh. It all sucks.
> 
> I never, ever want to paint one of these two as the bad guy, and I felt like I was a little bit too harsh with Jan, but ah, things need to be realistic. 
> 
> I wanted to show that Jan and Jackie, despite fighting here and sort of fighting the last story, are still in love. They still love each other, and they still work together. Jan still has more fun with Jackie than anyone, but everything’s so new, so it feels like something else. I don’t know. I love Jankie.


End file.
